It All Started With A Tick...

Last week, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Seems that most people have a general awareness of this disease but don't actually know what it is - including my doctor. This is because Lyme looks a lot like so many other diseases that it is very often misdiagnosed. There's are not very many cases in Illinois let alone the Midwest. This disease is very prevalent on the east coast (it was discovered in Connecticut in 1975) - and I believe I caught it in Central Park...from a tick.

What a little bastard.

First, I would just like to say, that this disease is probably the most terrible thing I have ever experienced, and that is saying something. I had a severe tooth infection in graduate school that almost  left me in the hospital. I thought that was awful - THIS - Lyme -  is worse.

I had been feeling ill just as I returned from New York last month. I soon developed frequent fevers, chills, aches, pains, and the lymph nodes on the left side of my neck had swollen. I finally went to the doctor and she said it looked like mono, and low and behold, I tested positive for Mono. But apparently there are often false positives with Mono tests, so I had to wait several more days for my blood work. As soon as the doctor told me I had Lyme disease, I was shocked - "No, I have Mono", I thought. "I planned for Mono". In many ways, it is better that I have Lyme as opposed to Mono. There is no cure for Mono. All you can do is wait until it goes away. At least with Lyme, I can take antibiotics (Lyme is a bacterial infection) and I will begin to feel better soon...right?

WRONG.

The next 48 hours were very scary. I was in so much pain, with fevers, chills, sweats - I had begun my antibiotics, but within hours the medicine made me even more ill. I was vomiting up bile, and I believed I had blood in my urine. I couldn't sleep and I had the most intense nausea I have ever had in my life - NON STOP (If I could choose to be rid of one thing for the rest of my life it's nausea). I prayed literally every second that I feel some kind of relief. I begged God to help me - begged him to ease my suffering, but all I felt was the pain in my gut and agony of every moment passing like a day.

I have never seen my mother so worried. It wasn't until several days later that she confessed to me she wasn't sleeping. My mother is a rock, so when she begins to break, it truly frightens me. I asked my mother to pray for me. I asked my friends to pray for me. I called my father who I rarely speak to, and with tears, I asked him to pray for me.

Another trip to the doctor and more blood work, and I was give new antibiotics and the nausea medicine they give to cancer patients during chemo treatment. Slowly but surely, my nausea began to subside, and I began to feel like myself again. But this disease isn't over. I have to continue taking antibiotics for a month or more. I am still weak and will most likely be fatigued until August. I could have a relapse if all the bacteria isn't killed during this treatment. And this bacteria does have a way of hiding inside your system, staying dormant for some time, then wreaking havoc again. I pray to God I don't relapse.

I wanted to address this disease for two reasons -

The first being that I am baffled that doctors are not educated on the complexities of Lyme. My mother and I did a lot a research, and we found that there can be many complications. Lyme can cause brain damage if not caught in the early stage, and because it is so often misdiagnosed (or diagnosed very late) people struggle with this disease for many years or even their whole lives. Lyme has only been discovered in the last 40 years - you would think with it being so new that the government might be spending some time and money on research - but no. Most doctors know the basics. Only specialists truly understand how to treat this disease - and every specialist has his own method. There are similarities among Lyme symptoms in patients, but everyone experiences the disease a little differently. And what is more insane is that most of the medical professionals diagnosing Lyme are the regular internists - NOT the specialists. The bottom line is Lyme IS a big deal. It can be very serious. No, you won't die from it, but you could suffer from it for your whole life if not treated properly.

The second point I wanted to make is this -

While I was lying in bed, begging God to take away my pain, my mind kept wandering to the people I love and admire. I thought about what they might be doing; eating lunch, working, acting in a play. My mind drifted to my trip to London, to the green highlands of Scotland, to my senior prom, to the cool breeze through my window, my first kiss - so many things that meant the world to me passed over my eyes and I thought, "I am not going to waste my time anymore. I have wasted my time for too long being scared or feeling like I am unworthy of the things I want, and I will not - no - I cannot do that anymore. I am going to beat the shit of the Lyme. I'm going to win".

All of a sudden, life was so precious, in a way I hadn't seen it in years. My life was magnificent. I was magnificent. And I deserve it all.

I knew that when I got through this, that I was going to hit the ground running. No more trying - just doing.

Lyme taught me to be forever grateful for the life I have - to sing with joy when I see the world, not run from it. No more tiptoeing around my ambition. No more second guessing. Just...living.

Now is the time for action.
Now is the time for love.
Now is the time for me.