So, I thought, "Hmm. Interesting." I read it and I became bitterly annoyed. Now granted, the article is stupid. It's actually a survey, not even a proper study. But it really made me think about relationships in a way that I hadn't before.
Monogamy. Are human beings by nature monogamous? A couple of weeks ago, I would have said absolutely. The article I posted began a heated conversation amongst my friends about the nature of infidelity, and whether we truly want to spend our lives only with one person - or whether we merely are just 'animals'.
It's really easy to say that you don't believe that monogamy exists; that it's unnatural. If you believe this, you are giving up any responsibility for your actions. You're basically saying, "I can't help it. It's in my nature." Well, how nice that must be for you. Don't be an ass. Just say that you don't want to be monogamous.
I do also think it's naive to believe that everyone ultimately wants to be monogamous.
I think my brother says it best:
"Saying monogamy is "unnatural" is stupid. Saying having multiple partners is unnatural is also stupid. Humans and animals have been full of both for forever. It's up to individual people to decide how monogamous they want to be. A fucking science survey is no justification for bad behavior in any relationship. Relationships are personal, and the rules of your relationship are between you and your partner(s). They are not objective rules handed down to all people, by either science or religion.".
Thinking of the inevitability that men (and I say men and not both sexes because this article had nothing to say about women or their desires) will always want to sleep with someone else as a relationship develops - even though they want to stay in an emotional relationship with their partner, whom, they say they 'love'...
This concept just feels...absurd. It hurts to think about it. But as I have said before, I have an intense fear of abandonment.
So, someone falls in love with me, and I with him...and then the more emotionally connected we become...the more he will want to have sex with someone else...I can't think of much worse.
My mind spun into a black hole with all these thoughts....the woman inside me that is starving for a loving and committed companion flipped the fuck out. What if monogamy is all hogwash? Are men constantly fighting their 'nature' staying in a monogamous relationship for the rest of their lives? The last thing I want is to suppress someones nature.
I started to really contemplate the possibility that maybe...we aren't meant to spend our lives with just one person. Maybe we are all meant to be vagabonds. And if this was fact...my future looked bleak.
But then again, I am relating sex and love together. I imagine not many people think about love and sex that way today -particularly people my age. But at this point in time, I can't separate them. I have never had a casual sexual encounter that hasn't left me feeling empty. And even though in that moment I chose to be with that person - and even though I wanted that person (often desperately)...when it was over, I felt like I had been playing a game that I lost.
It's like trying catch a shadow with your bare hands.
Children pretending.
I am not a child. I don't want to play with shadows. I want something I can hold on to. I want the real thing. I always want the real thing, and I have decided I will not settle for anything less.
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